Somebody I really like reminded me of how easy it is to get stuck in the day-to-day. I've just been thinking about how little I resemble the me of years ago.
A time when I was much more childish, spiteful, aggressive, hypocritial, insecure, uninformed, less empathetic.
But I had some things going for me which I no longer do, to the same extent.
Energy. Humour, cockiness, charm, passion. Excellent grades. More curiosity. More muscle.
But I was wrong. Perfectionism in certain ways is not an enemy that should be vanquished. When I realised how much of a perfectionist I was, I became periodically horrified by it, and thought it a test of myself to be free of those thinking patterns. I must have created a new definition of perfect, which included not permanently thinking about ways to improve. What a mistake.
I need to be born again, minus the cries of hallelujah, minus the Church.
Pay attention to food intake, exercise, positive thinking.
Reintroduce my fanaticism about time, planning, optimisation.
Start diarising again, start doing something social most days.
Stop moralising about my actions, censoring myself. Stress about things that I SHOULD stress about (Care more about uni?). Play with the dog more. Talk to my parents more. Bring back the ambition, the edginess, the distorted but useful thinking patterns.
Make the most of life
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Turning down sex to read The Neoconservative Legacy
1 comment:
All good ideas.
I think most intelligent people go through these phases now and again, wanting to refresh their existence, wanting to stick their heads above the swamp muck of daily life.
It's a good thing. Means you're mentally awake.
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